As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
