I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
