No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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