Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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