Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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