I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
