maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
