I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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