She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
