I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
