Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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