apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
