IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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