I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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