I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
