I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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