I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
