When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You can't special order awesome
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
