Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
