A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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