Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
