We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
