I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
