the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
