$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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