I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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