And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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