I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I believe in your delicious
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
