Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
