The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
