I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
