ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
