i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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