After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
