Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
