Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
