Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
