walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
