If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
