you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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