Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
