how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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