Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
