We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
