thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
