omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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