U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
