I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
