I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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