I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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