don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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